There’s a certain sinking feeling that you get when you reach for your wallet and it’s not where it should be. Generally you find it within 30 seconds and life goes on. This was not the case for me yesterday. No big deal, right? It probably fell out at work. Just pop back and get it, a minor inconvenience. Also not the case. Dropped on sidewalk? Nope. The road? Still no. Then comes the further realization that the last time you for sure had it was nearly 5 hours ago when you got on the bus. So you call the lost and found and leave a message, text an S.O.S. to a friend who gallantly drives all the way to get you, and pray that whoever found it is honest and turns it in — or it miraculously teleports into your purse. *checks just in case*
One of the sad facts of life is that no matter how hard we try, how careful we are, we lose things. Sometimes they’re small, like the disposable pen you picked up at a bank 6 years ago. Sometimes they’re big like your credit cards and ID. Still these are just things. Things can be replaced. Losing ourselves is a much greater loss, and sadly just as common.
I’ve lost myself before. I bet you have, too.
Real life has a way of clamoring for attention, pulling us in every direction until our hearts are drowned out and distorted into shapes they weren’t meant to take. They get buried under a mountain of labels people give us and we give ourselves until the person we truly want to and are meant to be is lost. Life is more than a journey, it’s a war against that which seeks to keep you from ever truly discovering your heart. The decision to search for yourself is always met with resistance and it is not going to make you popular. It’s hard, infinitely so, but it’s worth it.
I’d like to say that I know who I am. That I’ve found myself and if you follow steps A, B, and C, you can, too. The reality is — I’m still looking. I doubt I’ll ever be done.
How about you?
Ever lose something important?
Ever lose yourself?
Do you know what your heart looks like or have you forgotten?
In addition to looking for herself, A.J. Priest is cancelling cards,
and searching ID requirements.
Where exactly did that birth certificate get to?
Probably in the storage locker — the one that you need a swipe card to get into. Too bad that was in the wallet, too.